Post by Sir Dmitrii Zurban on May 30, 2008 14:33:02 GMT -6
The Truth Be Told
His head bowed to gaze at the ground before her bent knee. They sat together upon the blanket facing one another. His hand left her face. He knew his actions before he met her had returned to haunt him. A widowed man in pain of a loss… the spirits of alcohol and a woman’s touch brought him to depths not expected of a man of his stature… but he was a man… with needs… speaking in a low baritone voice, his eyes not meeting hers but bowed in regret… “Do not believe all yu have heard… but know this… before I met yu, my life knew not a direction… my wife was less than a year gone, and the war was ravaging the countryside… t’was not a time for celebration… yet to drown my sorrows… I drank much… and philandered the same…” his hands clasp together, his eyes still hidden from her view in shame. “Aye, I took the manly pleasures, so what may have told yu may be true… but I deny none of what yu ask… for truth shall be my savior…” he peers upward a bit to catch what expression he feared or what he hoped was there… “Forgive my transgressions M’Lady… for it was before I knew life with yu in it…” then he looked back down and waited for the effects of his truth….
The pretty eyes rested only on him. The celebration that took place in the distance was forgotten about as she waited and prayed. She could feel her chest tighten as he spoke. Part of her was half expecting to hear something different... the rest? Well she could do nothing else but accept what had happened. Surely she didn't expect a widower to just pretend such needs would disappear... but by his own words... less then a year. The pain and the anguish of such a loss in a manner had caught him up in the weakness of wanting to hide. To spend the time in a drunken stupor... it was hard to keep a man upon a pedestal within ones heart knowing he had given into such temptations.
Her expression was blank, she neither condemned him, nor forgave him... she wasn't sure what to say about it all. He looked as though he was ashamed of his actions. And while she could understand... given her father had lost her mother in a tragic ending... it was the way he choose to honor his poor departed wife that had sparked a small flaring of anger. "aye... afore ya knowed me." She echoed his words as she remembered Kaelyn's words... "He um... well let's just say... enjoys bed sport... with women."
"Ya knowed them girls... they gots naw say so... mos be poor girls like meself…" She pointed out softly... as she fought with this. If this was true, was she simply going to be another of his prey to fall beneath pretty words? Once he was done to leave a pouch of coin on a table then disappear in the early morning light? Did he talk finely to them as he did her? Did he think they deserved to hear such pretty things?
“If ya believe that their fate was cast upon them… or they were sold into it… which now does not matter… they are where they are…” he listens to her words, but how could she believe she was on the same level as they… she was nothing of the sorts… wealth meant not what occupation one chose… what were her thoughts of him now? Was he any lesser man for what he had done? “Yu may be of lesser wealth, but you have something of much more value… honor and integrity… and I believe even virtue…. None of which I would take away from you…” he may be ashamed of what he did… nay of what he did, but the manner that he did things. He was weak in the sorrow of a lost love, war, and in a drunken stupor… “I pray that my past cometh not to haunt me… but if shall, then I shall overcome all as I have many times in my life…” he finally looks at her… “And I pray that yu can be part of my life’s future…”
"Does ya still go dere?" She asked softly... there was no mistaking the bit of fear in her voice as she inquired. The logical part of her mind was pointing out she had no reason to ask such... after all Dmitrii was a man on his own rights... she had no real claim to him. He was welcomed to do as he pleased.
He was a bit shocked at her question… but why should he be, it was a valid question… she may have had no real claim upon him, but he had handed his heart to her, to do with what she would… “Nyet…” shaking his head… “I went several times… but not in a so very long time…” he shrugs… “The last time… maybe a month or so before I met you for the first time…”
Prostitution was prevalent… often cities profited by such and regulated it as if it were a business. It was accepted as fact that young men would seek out sexual relations regardless of their options, and thus prostitution served to protect "respectable" townswomen from seduction and even rape.
Was this his excuse? No, though he was a young man, in the prime of life, his emotions strewn asunder by the loss of a wife and the constraints of war and victory… Dmitrii looked at Willa, his steel grey eyes searching for some sight of hopefully redemption in her eyes.
“For what it is worth M’Lady… I have always regarded you in the highest esteem… and even more so now that I have tabled my transgressions… shall I table the rest of my vices?” he looks away and then back to her…
Not waiting for her to answer, he bows his head, the soft baritone voice, a near whisper… “This is a total confession to you…” the beard crinkles vainly attempting to hide emotions… “I have at times been arrogant with my swords and their abilities. I have committed Wrath, to include insanity, provoking others to wrath, ferocity, and bloodshed… I have lacked hope… I had more hope in my sword than in God at times… I have lacked temperance… I have never been a coward, but I have been foolhardy… in drinking, I have consumed too much at times… My clothing and my home is neither excessive nor wretched. I have lusted, both physically, and mentally… and I have thrown caution to the wind in order to overcome my adversaries…” he quiets… a tear drops from his eye as he attempts to steal his emotions before her.
Had she heard him right… it didn't matter now? She blinked and stared at him for a long moment... as she looked away. She stared down as he continued to speak though the words, were perhaps a bit faint. She was swallowing her anger a bit as she looked up at him. She honestly didn't know what to think. "Ya says that like them girls set outs ta does nothin but be a toy fer some man's amusement. " She pointed out… perhaps a bit too harshly. "Ya think they didna onced has virtue… a hope fer somethin better?" She questioned and shook her head and looked away.
While indeed prostitution was everywhere, from the Roman Empire… and heavens long before that. There was still the merit of if the women of that time had the choice. There was a deep resounding no. For most it was part it was all that was left to them… that… or die. While some would have eagerly preferred death, it was kept from them.
Dmitrii suddenly felt lost… disoriented by her change of disposition. What had he done except tell her the truth? All the knightly codes spoke of honor and truth… but where did that get him now? He pondered the thought of having lied to her… but he remained adamant that truth was the bitter pill to be swallowed. Looking at her with her questions blasting at him like tossed boulders.
"Ya says ya want me in yer future… as whut part Dmitrii?" She asked pointedly. The blue eyes were a bit hard to read at the moment, as was her expression. "…be that the immediate future... or... " She left it open as he spoke further about his transgressions. The frown settled in as she watched him for a long moment.
His eyes narrowed at her question, the steel grey eyes paled… “Da… in my future… as…” she interrupted him, then the barrage of boulders struck again as she questioned his motives. “If… if ya had allowed me to finish… it would have been good to share my future, my name... my…” she interrupted him again… these two needed to clear the air and had started off wrong.
"Ya be a warrior... mos o' whut ya claim be parts o' it. I knowed.. arrogance... greed... boy-thingyiness? Ya oughts try livin wit me Da on occasions." She stated softly. she didn't see them as sins… but merely apart of a man that sat before her. She however returned to the original topic here… her hand reached out and caught ahold of her slippers as she looked at him.
He sat listening to her as she continued… his own ire building inside… but his heart continued to remain in his throat like a chokehold, pulsating to resound in his ears.
"Ya thinks on whut sorta future ya can has wit a lass that gots nothin but virtue ta offer... I wantcha ta realla think, Dmitrii… iffin it be somethin or I be someone… ya realla want… an nawts the idear o' it all." She stated quietly as she pushed herself up to her feet.
Her words… her tone… thrashed at him worse than swords, as here, now, he was defenseless against the onslaught she gave him. He was more prepared in battle than with this self-proclaimed common girl… She was not common… far above what she, or others, thought. This girl is special… but she was highly upset… He choked down the ire that burned… he would not anger against her… what he did was long before her… but she was also correct… He attempted to answer her questions, but all that he could do was muster a raised hand for her not to leave.
Was she angry with him? Oh heavens yes... very much so... but not really at him... but the society in general for their opinions and sadistic manner in treatment of women. He had nothing but what he was taught... but still… she was angry.
Standing, he took her by the arm. “Willa, if you would give me a moment, I would answer yer questions…” the Rus accent spilled forth as his mind searched for English words to say…
The young woman found herself halted by that touch of his arm. The anger boiled still... a well brought up by not only his answers, but society... by the rumors and harsh things said... She'd dare not tell him any of those things. She'd dare not whisper them to any of the other maids... nor the one she had come to call her Father, of which she shared everything with. She now looked at him, the tears burning in the edges of her eyes as she worried. Sweet pandering words... things to catch her fancy... to make her believe... to make her want to believe. And now... now she stood there looking slightly up at him as she held her slippers in hand... upset... confused. She had not at all heard his words in the mist of her own scolding.
"Aye… I'll wait." She stated as she turned to face him. The small hands holding onto her slippers as she partially steeled herself for all this. The sigh came though it was silent. How much of this would have been different had they met in her village? Or… merely while she worked the farm? Without the silliness of courts and nobles and... so much else that seemed to weigh upon her. But... for now, she'd wait.
His hand held her arm… “Aye, I am boy-thingyy… maybe I want more than I need, and I may be arrogant to a point… I am a warrior… a man… one who never found love except in the bed of a woman, be she whore, or be she of courtly stature… I fought my way from a peasant to a knight… I found my sister, then I found a wife…” his steel eyes had tinted a bit, now the ire rose in his own torso… “She was killed by her own Father, in the war of Inverness… he had sided with the English and she paid the price… I almost lost Kaelyn in that war too….” His eyes now narrowed the tinted greys… “I found Kaelyn, we made it here to Skye… but yet I was alone… I admit, I have bedded whores… only to kill the lonliness and need…” he looks at her, his hand still holding her arm… “now Kaelyn is married… and I have met you…”
He exhaled heavily… “Aye, I have grown ever so fond of yu... and yu of me… the time has been wonderful… and life is good…” his eyes now search hers… “I admit that I wish yu in my future and yu interrogate me like a Sergeant of the Guard…” he pulls her closer to him, his eyes bearing down upon her…. “Yu may be the daughter of a farmer… but no farmer fights like him… and I suspect more than yu and he portray… BUT still… even if yu were a lass with nothing but her virtue… I would not ask that of yu… nor take it from yu…” his grip had tightened on her arm, his eyes appeared to go jet black… “If I wanted nothing but yer precious sweetness, I would have TAKEN it…” then he loosens the grip, and his eyes return to steel grey… “But to me… yu are SOMEONE special… special to me…” then he shoves her away from him… “Go on… run… run back to yer Da… find some farmer… or smithy to marry… for I am not good enough for yu…” then he kicks dirt over the blanket where they sat... turning back to her, he shouted to her… “And take my heart and what love is left in me wit yu… for I need it not!!!!”
Then he walked off in a huff, disappearing into the darkness of the trees at night… below, at her feet near the blanket… his harness with twin swords.
She had believed she was saying the right things… to point out that because of a station did not mean they should be treated in a lesser manner. As he began speaking she could only stare at him; the small bow like mouth opened, though she had no way of refuting anything he had to say. "I... but... " was likely all she could sputter as he continued on. She winced a bit at his words, the anger had long sense fled when realizing she had pushed too far. The frown was lost in the near helpless stare of hers. Then things had taken a far worse turn... her mind was racing to catch up with all that he had to say. The startled blinking came as he pushed her away from him… and the tears shimmering at the edges of her eyes. "Please… I.. " She managed to sat as she reached out for him… though the fingers seemed to slip just past his arm as he stormed off. "…didna mean it that way..." She whispered... though he was gone and lost to his own hurts.
The quiet sob passed her lips as she looked to the blanket… her eyes not truly focusing on anything at all as she slowly knelt to pick up all that was left. The spill of tears came now as she folded and carried it all within her arms. Carefully tending to those blades left behind. She carried it all with her as she avoided the celebration... avoiding the eyes and the curious glances as the lass simply made her way back to the castle. Dear Lady of the heavens... what had she done?
His head bowed to gaze at the ground before her bent knee. They sat together upon the blanket facing one another. His hand left her face. He knew his actions before he met her had returned to haunt him. A widowed man in pain of a loss… the spirits of alcohol and a woman’s touch brought him to depths not expected of a man of his stature… but he was a man… with needs… speaking in a low baritone voice, his eyes not meeting hers but bowed in regret… “Do not believe all yu have heard… but know this… before I met yu, my life knew not a direction… my wife was less than a year gone, and the war was ravaging the countryside… t’was not a time for celebration… yet to drown my sorrows… I drank much… and philandered the same…” his hands clasp together, his eyes still hidden from her view in shame. “Aye, I took the manly pleasures, so what may have told yu may be true… but I deny none of what yu ask… for truth shall be my savior…” he peers upward a bit to catch what expression he feared or what he hoped was there… “Forgive my transgressions M’Lady… for it was before I knew life with yu in it…” then he looked back down and waited for the effects of his truth….
The pretty eyes rested only on him. The celebration that took place in the distance was forgotten about as she waited and prayed. She could feel her chest tighten as he spoke. Part of her was half expecting to hear something different... the rest? Well she could do nothing else but accept what had happened. Surely she didn't expect a widower to just pretend such needs would disappear... but by his own words... less then a year. The pain and the anguish of such a loss in a manner had caught him up in the weakness of wanting to hide. To spend the time in a drunken stupor... it was hard to keep a man upon a pedestal within ones heart knowing he had given into such temptations.
Her expression was blank, she neither condemned him, nor forgave him... she wasn't sure what to say about it all. He looked as though he was ashamed of his actions. And while she could understand... given her father had lost her mother in a tragic ending... it was the way he choose to honor his poor departed wife that had sparked a small flaring of anger. "aye... afore ya knowed me." She echoed his words as she remembered Kaelyn's words... "He um... well let's just say... enjoys bed sport... with women."
"Ya knowed them girls... they gots naw say so... mos be poor girls like meself…" She pointed out softly... as she fought with this. If this was true, was she simply going to be another of his prey to fall beneath pretty words? Once he was done to leave a pouch of coin on a table then disappear in the early morning light? Did he talk finely to them as he did her? Did he think they deserved to hear such pretty things?
“If ya believe that their fate was cast upon them… or they were sold into it… which now does not matter… they are where they are…” he listens to her words, but how could she believe she was on the same level as they… she was nothing of the sorts… wealth meant not what occupation one chose… what were her thoughts of him now? Was he any lesser man for what he had done? “Yu may be of lesser wealth, but you have something of much more value… honor and integrity… and I believe even virtue…. None of which I would take away from you…” he may be ashamed of what he did… nay of what he did, but the manner that he did things. He was weak in the sorrow of a lost love, war, and in a drunken stupor… “I pray that my past cometh not to haunt me… but if shall, then I shall overcome all as I have many times in my life…” he finally looks at her… “And I pray that yu can be part of my life’s future…”
"Does ya still go dere?" She asked softly... there was no mistaking the bit of fear in her voice as she inquired. The logical part of her mind was pointing out she had no reason to ask such... after all Dmitrii was a man on his own rights... she had no real claim to him. He was welcomed to do as he pleased.
He was a bit shocked at her question… but why should he be, it was a valid question… she may have had no real claim upon him, but he had handed his heart to her, to do with what she would… “Nyet…” shaking his head… “I went several times… but not in a so very long time…” he shrugs… “The last time… maybe a month or so before I met you for the first time…”
Prostitution was prevalent… often cities profited by such and regulated it as if it were a business. It was accepted as fact that young men would seek out sexual relations regardless of their options, and thus prostitution served to protect "respectable" townswomen from seduction and even rape.
Was this his excuse? No, though he was a young man, in the prime of life, his emotions strewn asunder by the loss of a wife and the constraints of war and victory… Dmitrii looked at Willa, his steel grey eyes searching for some sight of hopefully redemption in her eyes.
“For what it is worth M’Lady… I have always regarded you in the highest esteem… and even more so now that I have tabled my transgressions… shall I table the rest of my vices?” he looks away and then back to her…
Not waiting for her to answer, he bows his head, the soft baritone voice, a near whisper… “This is a total confession to you…” the beard crinkles vainly attempting to hide emotions… “I have at times been arrogant with my swords and their abilities. I have committed Wrath, to include insanity, provoking others to wrath, ferocity, and bloodshed… I have lacked hope… I had more hope in my sword than in God at times… I have lacked temperance… I have never been a coward, but I have been foolhardy… in drinking, I have consumed too much at times… My clothing and my home is neither excessive nor wretched. I have lusted, both physically, and mentally… and I have thrown caution to the wind in order to overcome my adversaries…” he quiets… a tear drops from his eye as he attempts to steal his emotions before her.
Had she heard him right… it didn't matter now? She blinked and stared at him for a long moment... as she looked away. She stared down as he continued to speak though the words, were perhaps a bit faint. She was swallowing her anger a bit as she looked up at him. She honestly didn't know what to think. "Ya says that like them girls set outs ta does nothin but be a toy fer some man's amusement. " She pointed out… perhaps a bit too harshly. "Ya think they didna onced has virtue… a hope fer somethin better?" She questioned and shook her head and looked away.
While indeed prostitution was everywhere, from the Roman Empire… and heavens long before that. There was still the merit of if the women of that time had the choice. There was a deep resounding no. For most it was part it was all that was left to them… that… or die. While some would have eagerly preferred death, it was kept from them.
Dmitrii suddenly felt lost… disoriented by her change of disposition. What had he done except tell her the truth? All the knightly codes spoke of honor and truth… but where did that get him now? He pondered the thought of having lied to her… but he remained adamant that truth was the bitter pill to be swallowed. Looking at her with her questions blasting at him like tossed boulders.
"Ya says ya want me in yer future… as whut part Dmitrii?" She asked pointedly. The blue eyes were a bit hard to read at the moment, as was her expression. "…be that the immediate future... or... " She left it open as he spoke further about his transgressions. The frown settled in as she watched him for a long moment.
His eyes narrowed at her question, the steel grey eyes paled… “Da… in my future… as…” she interrupted him, then the barrage of boulders struck again as she questioned his motives. “If… if ya had allowed me to finish… it would have been good to share my future, my name... my…” she interrupted him again… these two needed to clear the air and had started off wrong.
"Ya be a warrior... mos o' whut ya claim be parts o' it. I knowed.. arrogance... greed... boy-thingyiness? Ya oughts try livin wit me Da on occasions." She stated softly. she didn't see them as sins… but merely apart of a man that sat before her. She however returned to the original topic here… her hand reached out and caught ahold of her slippers as she looked at him.
He sat listening to her as she continued… his own ire building inside… but his heart continued to remain in his throat like a chokehold, pulsating to resound in his ears.
"Ya thinks on whut sorta future ya can has wit a lass that gots nothin but virtue ta offer... I wantcha ta realla think, Dmitrii… iffin it be somethin or I be someone… ya realla want… an nawts the idear o' it all." She stated quietly as she pushed herself up to her feet.
Her words… her tone… thrashed at him worse than swords, as here, now, he was defenseless against the onslaught she gave him. He was more prepared in battle than with this self-proclaimed common girl… She was not common… far above what she, or others, thought. This girl is special… but she was highly upset… He choked down the ire that burned… he would not anger against her… what he did was long before her… but she was also correct… He attempted to answer her questions, but all that he could do was muster a raised hand for her not to leave.
Was she angry with him? Oh heavens yes... very much so... but not really at him... but the society in general for their opinions and sadistic manner in treatment of women. He had nothing but what he was taught... but still… she was angry.
Standing, he took her by the arm. “Willa, if you would give me a moment, I would answer yer questions…” the Rus accent spilled forth as his mind searched for English words to say…
The young woman found herself halted by that touch of his arm. The anger boiled still... a well brought up by not only his answers, but society... by the rumors and harsh things said... She'd dare not tell him any of those things. She'd dare not whisper them to any of the other maids... nor the one she had come to call her Father, of which she shared everything with. She now looked at him, the tears burning in the edges of her eyes as she worried. Sweet pandering words... things to catch her fancy... to make her believe... to make her want to believe. And now... now she stood there looking slightly up at him as she held her slippers in hand... upset... confused. She had not at all heard his words in the mist of her own scolding.
"Aye… I'll wait." She stated as she turned to face him. The small hands holding onto her slippers as she partially steeled herself for all this. The sigh came though it was silent. How much of this would have been different had they met in her village? Or… merely while she worked the farm? Without the silliness of courts and nobles and... so much else that seemed to weigh upon her. But... for now, she'd wait.
His hand held her arm… “Aye, I am boy-thingyy… maybe I want more than I need, and I may be arrogant to a point… I am a warrior… a man… one who never found love except in the bed of a woman, be she whore, or be she of courtly stature… I fought my way from a peasant to a knight… I found my sister, then I found a wife…” his steel eyes had tinted a bit, now the ire rose in his own torso… “She was killed by her own Father, in the war of Inverness… he had sided with the English and she paid the price… I almost lost Kaelyn in that war too….” His eyes now narrowed the tinted greys… “I found Kaelyn, we made it here to Skye… but yet I was alone… I admit, I have bedded whores… only to kill the lonliness and need…” he looks at her, his hand still holding her arm… “now Kaelyn is married… and I have met you…”
He exhaled heavily… “Aye, I have grown ever so fond of yu... and yu of me… the time has been wonderful… and life is good…” his eyes now search hers… “I admit that I wish yu in my future and yu interrogate me like a Sergeant of the Guard…” he pulls her closer to him, his eyes bearing down upon her…. “Yu may be the daughter of a farmer… but no farmer fights like him… and I suspect more than yu and he portray… BUT still… even if yu were a lass with nothing but her virtue… I would not ask that of yu… nor take it from yu…” his grip had tightened on her arm, his eyes appeared to go jet black… “If I wanted nothing but yer precious sweetness, I would have TAKEN it…” then he loosens the grip, and his eyes return to steel grey… “But to me… yu are SOMEONE special… special to me…” then he shoves her away from him… “Go on… run… run back to yer Da… find some farmer… or smithy to marry… for I am not good enough for yu…” then he kicks dirt over the blanket where they sat... turning back to her, he shouted to her… “And take my heart and what love is left in me wit yu… for I need it not!!!!”
Then he walked off in a huff, disappearing into the darkness of the trees at night… below, at her feet near the blanket… his harness with twin swords.
She had believed she was saying the right things… to point out that because of a station did not mean they should be treated in a lesser manner. As he began speaking she could only stare at him; the small bow like mouth opened, though she had no way of refuting anything he had to say. "I... but... " was likely all she could sputter as he continued on. She winced a bit at his words, the anger had long sense fled when realizing she had pushed too far. The frown was lost in the near helpless stare of hers. Then things had taken a far worse turn... her mind was racing to catch up with all that he had to say. The startled blinking came as he pushed her away from him… and the tears shimmering at the edges of her eyes. "Please… I.. " She managed to sat as she reached out for him… though the fingers seemed to slip just past his arm as he stormed off. "…didna mean it that way..." She whispered... though he was gone and lost to his own hurts.
The quiet sob passed her lips as she looked to the blanket… her eyes not truly focusing on anything at all as she slowly knelt to pick up all that was left. The spill of tears came now as she folded and carried it all within her arms. Carefully tending to those blades left behind. She carried it all with her as she avoided the celebration... avoiding the eyes and the curious glances as the lass simply made her way back to the castle. Dear Lady of the heavens... what had she done?