Post by Dame Kaelyn Urquhart-Raven on Dec 11, 2009 6:24:22 GMT -6
((Journal entries from right after the death of her children and husband. More will come leading to her current place and status of mind and body))
So much has happened in my life recently. I have lost my husband Darius and my twins Garet and Jelani. I have become a recluse from social society...drowning myself in duties and such. Keeping to myself... trying to swim against the current of my grief... wishing I were in the fade of death with them. I have but a few that keep me here in this life... Dmitrii my beloved brother, my sister of the heart Bess and her husband Adam... as close to family as one can be without a blood bond. I still patrol these lands as ever keeping it safe for those calling it home. I report when I have to... and when I don't I sleep within the woods I call home. So long now has it been since I have shown face in public would any even knwo who I am? Do any care that I have not been about?? It matters not for I am no longer someone they would know any how... a shell of the person I had been. It takes great effort ot put these rambling thoughts to paper as I am now doing for I am as dead as those not here anymore... only my body still moves.
I do not sleep.... I do not eat much... my men fear I am slowly dying beofre them... I can see it when they look at me... they would never say it for they care... I however am beyond that fickle emotion. Though my heart still pumps and pushes blood through my veins it is a useless organ... cold and hard...the only thing I know for certain is that my sword arm is still functioning as does my mind... and that is only on a good day. It is mostly consumed with thoughts of late of ending my pain with my own hand.
I feel nothing... I am but a walking corpse...what did I do to have my Gods foresake me and take those I love... in but a blink of an eye?? I have always tried to do what I felt was right and just.... were my sins so great they required payment in the form of the lives of my children and husband?!
Dmitrii is doing well I hear and has found love again... I wish him the best. Argania is now settled once more and my wishes are clear... Dmitrii will take the throne and rule as King if something happens to me... though he is not aware of this yet.
He had suffered much and this is the one thing I can give that cannot be taken by anyone...
I will exist as I am now until I can walk the halls of Valhalla and sit with my father and his fathers drinking mead.
K
So much has happened in my life recently. I have lost my husband Darius and my twins Garet and Jelani. I have become a recluse from social society...drowning myself in duties and such. Keeping to myself... trying to swim against the current of my grief... wishing I were in the fade of death with them. I have but a few that keep me here in this life... Dmitrii my beloved brother, my sister of the heart Bess and her husband Adam... as close to family as one can be without a blood bond. I still patrol these lands as ever keeping it safe for those calling it home. I report when I have to... and when I don't I sleep within the woods I call home. So long now has it been since I have shown face in public would any even knwo who I am? Do any care that I have not been about?? It matters not for I am no longer someone they would know any how... a shell of the person I had been. It takes great effort ot put these rambling thoughts to paper as I am now doing for I am as dead as those not here anymore... only my body still moves.
I do not sleep.... I do not eat much... my men fear I am slowly dying beofre them... I can see it when they look at me... they would never say it for they care... I however am beyond that fickle emotion. Though my heart still pumps and pushes blood through my veins it is a useless organ... cold and hard...the only thing I know for certain is that my sword arm is still functioning as does my mind... and that is only on a good day. It is mostly consumed with thoughts of late of ending my pain with my own hand.
I feel nothing... I am but a walking corpse...what did I do to have my Gods foresake me and take those I love... in but a blink of an eye?? I have always tried to do what I felt was right and just.... were my sins so great they required payment in the form of the lives of my children and husband?!
Dmitrii is doing well I hear and has found love again... I wish him the best. Argania is now settled once more and my wishes are clear... Dmitrii will take the throne and rule as King if something happens to me... though he is not aware of this yet.
He had suffered much and this is the one thing I can give that cannot be taken by anyone...
I will exist as I am now until I can walk the halls of Valhalla and sit with my father and his fathers drinking mead.
K
