Post by Theodren Galanos on Jul 12, 2009 15:40:05 GMT -6
Rooftop Confessions
(Scene takes place on the roof of Ada's Shop)
(Scene takes place on the roof of Ada's Shop)
Ada
Ada puzzled over a few things in her study, knees tucked up to her chest on the small bench, candles flickering despite the daylight outside the windows. For such a small room, she certainly packed a lot of her belongings along the shelves, and at the moment, it seemed like all of the shelves' contents had been dumped on her desk. She paged through them now, thumbing each thick piece of paper lovingly. Just a few hours ago, this pile had grown quickly, as she found precisely what she was looking for and separated them from the bunch. But now the pile grew more slowly, as she distractedly found notes she had forgotten about, and smiled as she deciphered the familiar handwriting of her Master. Morpheus jumped up onto the desk and wove his way through the stacks of books, mewing purposefully. Ada glanced up and noticed the sky had darkened considerably since the last time she looked that direction and gratefully fluffed the fur just behind Morpheus's ears. She stood up slowly and stretched, taking Morpheus with her as she left the office, bypassed Marcelline, and glanced out the wide front window. It wasn't raining. Not yet. But she could smell salt in the air.
Ren
The day had started out like any other and ended like any other. The great thing about his usual days were they were long enough to tire him, provided the hours needed to work, and then enjoy the thoughts of returning back to the shop as well as his woman's side. This week however felt as if it had been longer than usual. He and Ada had seen little of each other except at night recently when it was time to retire. Tonight he would make it home a little earlier and already he was debating on how to spend the evening. The hunter was leaning more towards staying indoors than anything, and lounging around but he was willing to do whatever she might be in the mood for. As he made his way up the new staircase to her apartment, he noticed he had forgotten something at Roses. He shrugged, it could wait until tomorrow, he was here and he refused to turn back now. He moved inside, removing his boots and unloading a few things he was carrying. Seeing Ada was not up here, he knew she must still be downstairs and so that is where he moved to next.
Ada
"Did you tell him yet?" Gauthier was brief in his appearance, but he had been waiting a long time for Ada. She stood in the window, the breeze ruffling her dark curls, pondering the weather. His had been a face neither to be expected nor welcomed, and he relished in the slight tightening of her grip on the cat. "Not yet," Ada replied. "I haven't had time." She just needed time. When she thought she might have a quiet evening with Ren, something inevitably came up. Maahes with his appointments, a visit from Ealora, an impromptu evening with Jean-Claude, hunting excursions and long hours in her shop -- it was exhausting. "Please, just a little more time," she added, but already, he was backing away, gone well before the door opened and Ren appeared. Turning around to look at him, she smiled warmly and let Morpheus back onto the ground, crossed the room to greet Ren properly. She realized she might never tell Ren what Gauthier wanted her to admit. This was a risk she would have to take. She wasn't ready. She let the worries go and thought nothing more of it. "You're home early! Did you eat?" She could ask Jack to get some food from the Briar Rose, as she often had him do. She wasn't in the mood for cooking. Her hands were stained with ink and she smelled like old books today rather than herbs. When she tried to look at anything close up, her eyes did an odd swirling-thing that made her dizzy. Morpheus had saved her from a raging headache by interrupting her when he had.
Ren
As he descended the stairs, his eyes lifted from the last step taken and immediately found his Ada. As soon as their eyes met, he smiled to her. She was always such a wonderful thing to see at the end of the day, always. He closed the distance between them, meeting her halfway in a sense and wrapped his big arms around her. ``Indeed I am... I could no longer keep myself from you.`` he said with a growing smile before placing a soft but fleeting kiss to her lips. ``And no, I've not yet had a chance to eat... I just want to sit... or lay down... or anything other than stand and walk.`` he jested as he gave a roll of his shoulders while he chuckled. Morpheus was coming to greet the Hunter home too it seemed as he began to move in between the pair of legs of both woman and man. He glanced down to the black ball of fur and smirked. ``I've missed you to my friend.`` he said in a low amused tone. Looking back to Ada then with his dark eyes, he asked. ``How was your day? Busy?`` as he began to look around, seeing if the saucy red head was lingering about or if she had already left.
Ada
Marcelline was there, too busy with the task at hand to bother with either Ada or Ren. Ada, having given her the task, would not interrupt her. There were things the girl had to learn about which drugs were for which symptoms, and which were toxic when mixed. Ada had known this information almost since she was old enough to walk. To Marcelline, most of it was new, and far from intuitive. So Ada left Marcelline to her studies and wrapped her arms around Ren, burying her face in his chest. "I should have stopped Jack when he went running by earlier. C'est la vie." She pulled away from Ren and went to the door. Of course, Jack did not magically turn up when Ada wished to summon him. But another urchin was in earshot. She put her fingers in her mouth and whistled, causing several heads to whip in her direction -- except for the young-ish woman shopping for a new hat for her husband across the street. Either intent in making her purchase or deaf, she didn't even flinch at the awful noise. Ada left her instructions and a bit of coin with the boy, and sent him on his way to Rose's. Then she took Ren's hand and climbed up the stairs with him. Not quite ready to lie around indoors, she went onto the landing of the outside stairs and pulled down the ladder she'd had the men install. Hitching up her skirts, Ada climbed up onto the roof and found a comfortable spot.
Ren
Ah, there she was... he thought to himself as he spotted the red head spit fire. He smirked as he debated on whether to go and annoy her for the hell of it or simply let her be. He always got a kick out of pestering her, it was fun to have her react the way she usually did. After pondering on it a moment longer, he decided that she looked entirely to busy and probably was best not to bother her... for now. The last thing he wanted to do was have two women chasing after him and scolding him in their... unique ways. Looking back down at Ada when she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest, a hand came to stroke the long hair that cascaded down her frame. ``It will be fine.. I'm sure you have something here that can satisfy me until morning.`` It was said without any underlining meaning, but as he thought on it... he laughed. ``I guess that could be taken in two ways... and you know me so well. So I am likely to want both... but I'll take whatever you will gladly give. `` he added a moment later. She pulled away to go and fetch another urchin... crossing his large arms over his chest as she did and watched from where he stood. After that was seen about, they moved upstairs and onto the roof.. it was warm still, but comfortable and chose a spot beside her.
Ada
"Both, hmm?" That was an amusing way to spend the evening. And not exactly atypical. She lightly leaned against him once they were on the roof. It was perfect weather for a native Scot. The sky was just overcast enough, the breeze was cool but not chilly, the air smelled like moisture, but it didn't seem ready to rain. Shops were winding down as the afternoon progressed, the streets were emptying, candles were flickering to life in nearby windows, and they were at the perfect vantage to watch it all. "I hope you don't mind. We can go down in a bit. I just wanted to feel the breeze." Nothing ever changed about them. Their dynamic was a comfortable one. They never made demands of the other. They kept an open mind to every possibility, shared the same sense of humor, and were comfortable with the present as it was without thinking too hard about the future as it should be. There were problems with being forced to think about the past. Of having it suddenly shove itself into the now. Ada would rather sit back and feel the wind on her skin, empty her mind of all her worries, and watch the clouds slowly shuffle off over the sea again. "I have been thinking about food all day. I don't think I could eat just pickled mushrooms. I need something more substantial. And so do you, after working so many hours!"
Ren
With her response, he nodded and laughed a little. When she leaned against him, he wrapped an arm around her and held her close to him as possible without smothering her or squeezing her lifeless. His dark eyes gazed out of the over the+ scenery and watched the lives of others around them unfold. It was a peaceful moment, one that was much needed. ``Not at all... I don't care what I do when I am with you, just so long as you're with me and I can share it with you. `` Okay... that was one way of admitting how deep his feelings for her went. Perhaps it wasn't the most romantic of ways, but... at least he was man enough to express it. No, nothing ever changed between them and that for Ren was a good thing. Not that he minded change, but he was simply one that usually went along with the the flow of things. Much like the wind or the waters he was often surrounded by. He was somewhat of a free spirit, holding back on occasions for reasons all his own that few understood or even dared to try to. ``Food is always a good thing... especially when you have had little of it.`` he said with a smirk. ``And we can always enjoy a few of your goodies along with whatever Rose decides to send. I would hate for them to go to waste.``
Ada
She smiled. "I am not going anywhere." She rubbed his thigh, the smile turning into a grin. "I know you too well. Food is a priority no matter how much you say it can wait." She didn't mind troubling an urchin to make sure Rose sent over her usual dishes. It was almost to the point that she wondered why they bothered sending a messenger at all. Ada hadn't cooked in weeks, if it wasn't oatmeal. "What did you do today? You don't smell too bad." She gave a playful sniff. Unless he'd stopped off for a bath first. It was far easier for Rose and her staff to heat water for Ren's bath than it was for Ada. What water came out of the pump remained at the temperature it started as, and now that the weather was growing so warm, this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. "My day was very ... dull. I spent most of it looking through books. I wish to lend some of them to Jean-Claude, but I know Benoit's interests were many and varied. And there are books from other colleagues, ones that do not concern anatomy or medicine, and they are all jumbled together. And then there is the consideration of how to get them to his home...." She rolled her eyes. "Most unusual man. But I know he will appreciate the effort."
Ren
``That's good to know.. though.. you would have a hard time losing me even if you decided to go somewhere.`` he teased. `` I mean.. I am what I am...`` he said with a smirk and a playful shrug. ``But yes... you are right... I do enjoy my meals very much.`` he added a moment later with a wide grin. ``What did I do today? Hm.. well, first I went to the forest, re set my traps, cover my trails, and then went fishing. I caught a decent amount of fish for Rose and what she didn't buy, I sold to a couple others. I took a bath, dressed and decided I needed to go and visit a healer. I heard she was one of the finest around.`` he said with a wink. No, The large man didn't smell that bad today actually. It seemed Rose had purchased a few things from a traveler making her way through Skye that made soaps and such. The one Rose gave Ren to use was a mixture of sage, sweetgrass and cedar. It was definitely a manly soap, he didn't smell all flowery or well... feminine. Otherwise Ada might have thought something suspicious and that wouldn't have been a good thing, not at all. ``Hm.. I'm not exactly ..`` he paused a moment, trying to think of a nice word to use here. `` ...let's just say I have my doubts about that man.`` He would leave it at that for now, because so far Jean Claude had not done anything (that he knew of) to become a marked man.
Ada
"You smell good." A few more sniffs, laughing, but admittedly -- it was a nice combination. It seemed she had competition! A feminine soap on Ren, Ada thought, would be absurd. She wouldn't ask where he'd been or who he'd done, but his reception would have been a little cooler. But she wasn't suspicious of him. His home was her bed, and as long as he came home, she did not worry where he went. She rolled her shoulders, straightened a little, and listened to what Ren had to say about Jean-Claude. "He is an odd man. I cannot even say that he is a good man. I am certain things he does in the name of science go beyond what I am morally comfortable with. However, there is something about him.... I feel like I have met him before in another life, and it confounds me that I cannot place the when, where, or how to the feeling." She was silent for a long time. When she did speak again, her tone was softer. "I want to work with him. He has invited my help. But he has done nothing to cause you doubt." Her brows arched, as if asking him a question, but of course -- only she had the answers to it. Her brows dropped.
Ren
Ren chuckled and nodded softly, glad she liked how he smelled. ``I am glad for the approval.`` he teased. Ren would never stray from Ada, no matter how hard another woman might throw herself at him. He was a one woman man and unless Ada ever gave him a reason to leave... it would always be here that he would come home to. The both of them knew that... or at least he hoped she knew that. As for Ada? Ren didn't worry... he knew she flirted, but that was just her bubbly self. It never crossed the lines that would have him doubt her or question her choice of him. ``I don't exactly trust him... but I don't distrust him either. My feelings about him are neutral, for now. Still.. I want you to be cautious and in fact, start carrying something to protect yourself. Something like this.`` he leaned over to his right side, his arm sweeping back behind him as he pulled out one of his many daggers he owned. Changing them out on occasions seeing as he had so many. He handed it to her... sheath and all. ``Don't be afraid to use it, especially seeing as you are a healer. You are capable of providing help should you make a mistake. But I am certain that will never be the case. Always go with your first instincts.`` he advised as he handed over the Greek blade.
Ada
She took the blade, but was speechless. Well, for as long as Ada could be speechless. She knew he had only good intentions, but Jean-Claude had never given her a single reason to doubt her safety in his care. It felt like a betrayal. Which was a fine, hypocritical thing to feel, Ada reminded herself. She pulled it a little out of the sheath. It really was a beautiful dagger. "I do not even know how to use it. I will probably end up hurting myself. But I like it! I think it is wonderful." She hugged him, as much as she could with the odd angle of the roof and the fact that they were sitting side by side. "Ren. If I -- " she stopped. Took a breath. "I do not want to hurt you. Ever. I have never been closer to another man in all my life, and I do not know what the future holds for us. We have never talked about it before. So it is hard for me -- to know what to think and feel sometimes. I am not traditional in any respect. Even in how I love. And this has been true in the past. Where I have loved more than one, completely and unequivocally, at the same time." She felt like crawling into a hole at that moment. She knew she was being horrible. But it must be said. They were always honest with each other, or were respectful of silences and subject changes.
Ren
``Just aim and thrust it forward, and just make sure the blade makes contact with whoever it is that is threatening you, be it Jean Claude or not.`` he smiled then after seeing her delight in the item. He was just glad that she would be carrying it from now on. If he couldn't be there personally to fend off whatever evils lurked... at least a part of him would be and by her hand at that. He hugged her back and nodded softly as he stared down at her. ``I'm glad that you do.`` he replied, though with the next words she shared with him, his brows arched curiously. Ren knew something must be troubling her, for she rarely ever talked like this and this worried him a little. Not in the sense that he suspected something bad was about to happen, but .. well, she was definitely uncomfortable. ``Ada, your being unique has never been nor will it ever be a bad thing. Traditional can be boring and dull at times , but with your sharing this with me, just now... there is something that is eating away at you. yes?`` One arm remained around her with the other took one of her hands. ``I've never asked you to share things with me about your past before now because I know there is a time and a place for everything. I respect you for who you are and I care for you because of who you are... not who you were. If there is something you are wanting to tell me, know that I listen with an open mind.`` he hoped that the words he spoke would give her some comfort and reassurance, for he meant them.
Ada
"No." She sheathed the dagger and shook her head sadly. "I do not want to tell you. Not yet." The first word was harsh. The following were softer, kinder. He hadn't deserved to be shut out. But she did not like being blackmailed by Gauthier any more than she liked potentially being caught making a decision between Ren and Jean-Claude. She squeezed his hand. "Look, Ren. I was involved in some very bad things in Paris. And I do not say bad as in ... oh, I stole something. Or, as in, witchcraft. You know about that anyway. And I stole to make ends meet until I made it into Benoit's shop as his apprentice. I had to eat. But what I was, Ren, is a part of who I am. And I am not ready to reveal that much about me, because I am ashamed of it. I have reason to be." She did not want this shame to be soothed away or forgiven. What she had done was reprehensible, and it had only peripherally to do with her love life. Of that, she was not ashamed. She sighed. "There comes a point we have to accept that. What we did in the past not only influences us but makes us what we are today. At least, I know it is a lesson learned. I know who I am because of the trials I have been through. I would like ... I want to know Jean better. If this will hurt you, I need you to tell me now. Because I do not think I can stop feeling this. It is a hurt that I need to fix. A part of me, in him, that I somehow lost over the years."
Ren
Her very first word was almost as bad as a slap in the face. Not because of the word itself, but how she had said it, the tone. He had never heard her speak so harshly before and it didn't seem right. `` His brows furrowed and he nodded with his reply. `` Then that is your decision...a decision I will respect.`` He grew quite for a moment as he then listened while she explained things further. `` I understand that and yes, what you say is true. What we have experienced has and does shape us as the people we are today, and I know that sometimes good people have to do bad things. It's a lot like battles... it comes down between you and them and you do what you have to in order to survive. I can no more judge you for your past than you can for mine. You heal people... I have and do kill them.`` Though, the next words she spoke, had him looking to her oddly, as if in disbelief. ``You wish to know him better how? -- I'm sorry Ada but you will have to be more clear on that, because if it's what I think it means... of course it will hurt. It already does just thinking of it being the possibility.`` he sighed, his eyes fell and his head hung a little. ``If I'm not what you want anymore... then tell me.``
Ada
That was the issue. She did not want Jean as a lover. But he was more than a friend. How did she even define that? How did she even define what she and Ren were? They were more than lovers. If she hadn't known before that look on his face, when he hung his head, she knew now that she was in love with him. She had his heart in her hands, and rather than heal it, she had just given it a vicious twist. Her stomach churned. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She buried her face in her hands. Would it had been easier if he had gotten angry? Nothing made this conversation easier. She dropped her hands and looked at him. "You are what I want, Ren. You mean the world to me. You make me laugh. You hold me at night. You've shown me places I could never find on my own. You've entrusted so much to me, that it makes me feel like a fool for telling you no as I did. Look, I do not tell you this to hold on to you. I say it with no obligations to return it. I do not need to hear you say it back to me to validate what I feel. I love you. Jean-Claude -- it is not love, Ren. It can never be physical. Nor can it ever be what you and I have." Her voice caught and she was forced to stop again. "It is different. If I knew what to call it, I would give it a name."
Ren
His arm had slowly and reluctantly slipped out from around her. His elbows rested on his knees. His eyes had yet to lift and remained as so in fear of looking to her only to have her see him at one of his weakest moments. Angry? Oh he was angry... he was furious... but not at her, at himself. He told himself it was his fault for this.. that it was his long days, sometimes nights away that was driving her away from him, and to someone else. She apologized and his heart began to ache that much more. He swallowed a huge lump in his throat he hadn't known was there before until now. ``If I am what you want... then what does this mean Ada? I'm having a hard time following this, -- understanding it.`` he looked to her, there was such a sadness in his eyes and one could see the inner turmoil he was fighting against in holding back what threatened to blur his vision. He looked like a dog that had angered his master, a scolded mut kicked to the curb. Then, just like that... she made an already confusing moment even more so. She told him she loved him. He blinked, a single dark brow arching as the puzzlement claimed his face. ``If it's not love Ada, it can only be one other thing... that I can think of... lust.`` he wasn't sure if he should have said that, he wasn't accusing her of betrayal.. at least that's what he thought. She wasn't like that, but if it wasn't love...and it wasn't lust, what else could it be? ``Then what does this mean? For us... for me? Does it mean I should take my things and leave... to give you time and space to figure it out? Even so... I'm not sure that I could do that and come back as if..`` his words trailed off to a whisper and then to silence. He couldn't finish his sentence and looked away.
Ada
"As if I never spoke about it?" She took his hands, gently. If he wished to take them away, she wouldn't stop him. She watched expressions flicker over his face, from pain and deep hurt to puzzlement. And then finally he looked away, and she wasn't privy to what he thought. "It is not lust. I do not want him that way. I want to spend time with him. I want to know who he is. I want to know what he does and why he does it. Why I feel as if ... as if we have met from a previous life. But I do not want him and he ... cannot want me ... that way." Her halting speech was different this time, as she struggled to find diplomatic words. She was confident Ren did not give a damn why Jean didn't want her. So she skirted around it, delicately. "So maybe it is not romance. But I do not want to insult you by saying I will be going to visit my very dear friend." Humor? No. It was too grim, even for Ada. Her chest ached, as if she had been running on a very cold day. "What it means for us ... depends on what you want. We could have a strictly monogamous relationship. At which point, I tell Jean-Claude goodbye, but you will -- I know you will -- have this memory. This worry. That we will have this conversation again months or years from now, and I cannot do this again." It was her turn to look away. "You walk away. And remember me as a mistake. Which will hurt, more than I can say, but maybe it will be better for your heart. Or you stay here tonight. And you think. I only want to visit Jean once or twice a month, to work in his lab, to find out who he is."
Ren
`` No...`` he said flatly, but not harshly. It had no defined tone to it. ``Not as if you never spoke about it... but if I were to go and give you those things, only to loose you I wouldn't be able to live with myself.`` he said as he gazed down at their hands. ``Ada... there is no shade of grey here... it's either black or white. He is either a friend... or a love. You say you don't want him, and that he cannot want you. You can not decide that for him, he is his own man. He is the one that decides what he does, what he wants, who he wants and why. Just like me... when I decided I wanted you.`` he paused as he thought for what seemed a very long time but in fact it was only a few moments. `` Ada, I have no problem with you having him as a friend... and what this means for us is not based solely on my decision. What we have is a partnership, an understanding, something that requires both our inputs. There are some things between us that I do not understand or do not know, but what I do know is that I want you to be mine and only mine in every sense of the word. I know that I want you to want me to be yours and only yours. That we be as we have been, if not so much more. I know that I don't like the idea of you being with another man, not like you are with me and I most certainly know that I do not and will not ever think of you as a mistake no matter how things end up.`` Slowly he looked to her, his dark hazel eyes studying her, waiting for her to decide their fate.
Ada
" I can't be with him like I am with you, in any sense of the word." She had to explain then. She wanted to, though she could have imagined a better time for explaining it. She told him about the fires Jean-Claude was in, fires that took place just after her arrival in Paris -- the first fires that preceded the ones of last year. "He was burned from the neck down. Everything was burned. He should not be alive, but he is. Somehow. The burns should have killed him. Now, he may think like a man, but ...." He was not interested in sex. "His life is underground. His hell is one of self-imposed loneliness. I do not pity him, but I empathize." She was quiet then. The rooftop seemed dead of any noise aside from him. Every move he made, she was acutely aware of it. "Who I am is to empathize," she said at last. "Maybe that is the attraction. He is someone to heal. I have never been very good at distinguishing this sort of thing." It was her turn to bow her head, her hair managing to hide tears that flowed freely down her cheeks. "A partnership. You and I. This is what you want?" She had never had that before. Her hands tightened on his. "It is what I want, too."
Ren
Ren listened as she explained things, things that were becoming a little more clear. Things that were understandable. When he heard that Jean Claude had suffered as he had, he felt for the man, he really did. He couldn't imagine what it must be like to live a life as this man did. ``So, your saying that what you feel for him is what a physician would feel for a patient. A need to fix something that is broken, to heal not just an illness but the person as a whole?`` he asked, as his eyes searched hers, shifting from one to the other and back until she lowered her head to which those long lovely locks hid from him what he sought. ``Yes... a partnership... a .. relationship whatever the word is that bonds you to me -- only me and I to you -- only to you.`` he replied as he glanced down to their hands when she squeezed his. He carefully removed one of his hands and placed the curled fingers under her chin, ushering her to look to him. He might not have said the words I love you vocally like she had to him moments ago, but it was there, in his eyes. `` Then it is what we will have.``
Ada
"It is. The mind intrigues me." She needed to see how it worked. How he worked. How a body survived such great physical adversity, and recovered. He was not the man he was before, but he was stronger. He knew himself. He knew what he wanted. Ada empathized with this, too. Perhaps some day, she would be comfortable enough to tell Ren what she had survived. No, it was not fire itself -- it was guilt. Guilt so overwhelming, she sometimes felt as if she was drowning, and there would be no absolution for what she'd done. It festered. It changed her, in ways only Jean-Claude really understood. If he could be whole again, so could she, if only she knew how he'd managed to do it. She felt his fingers under her chin. She followed him upward, her hair falling away from her face. "I never meant to hurt you. I knew it would, but it wasn't my intention. I wasn't good at explaining it. I seem to be able to find advice for everyone except me. When it comes to my own heart, I'm in complete darkness." Until he looked at her that way. Then she knew. She wasn't in darkness at all. "I am glad you did not throw me off the roof," she added a few seconds later, smiling suddenly. "Feel like avoiding temptation and having something for dinner on safer terrain?"
Ren
Ren felt like he understood completely now, that the confusion was really unnecessarily, or was it? For this is what had them both admitting to the other what the other wanted so badly to know. `` Ada, I meant what I said before. That if and when the day comes where you want to share with me...other things, you can. For I also know that day will come for me as well, when I can tell you things that I've not yet shared to not even my sister Danae and like you, I have my reasons. I just..`` he sighed a little. `` I just I need more time...`` he said before he softly nodded to her when she spoke of not meaning to hurt him. `` People sometimes forget that beauty can come from pain. Meaning, what we share is something I think is just that, something beautiful.`` he smiled at her jest and shook his head before drawing her close to him in a warm embrace. `` I could never hurt you, not intentionally and I would walk through Hades to prevent it from happening if it were possible. He lifted her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles. No, Ren Galanos was not always such a tender man, but he wasn't always a hard ass either. Ada had a way about her that soothed the roaring beast from within, that held it back with unbreakable chains. ``Yes, let us go and see if our food has arrived, enjoy the meal and then each other. Whether that means a night of passion or not, just as long as I get to hold you all night... and every night.``