Do Not Be Without Me

[Janice Olivia Monroe]

Janice: Stupid, foolish, sweet little girl. Did she know anything about the world? Underneath the brown head of hair moved a thought process that was alien to the usual. Potential was the operative word but what was it for? Claramae and Alendral both were hesitant to even broach the suggestion of training her and yet would it help her in the world of shadows that knew so much about her past? Soon, all of her work was done and she traveled only one way along the hall. In one hand was a candle, in the other, a pair of books. After being around books all day long she wanted to read? That was just the sort of infuriating thing that made Janice so endearing. In the small courtyard garden was a tree that she enjoyed sitting beneath, and went to read by candlelight and the bright spring evening. Carla was not far behind, but she said, "Please, Miss Carla. It is only a book beneath a tree. You can go, too." Carla had to admit the thought of a nice bath and supper was good after hauling the Masters' things. Alright, well, take care. Do not catch chill, take a shawl. Another curtsy well done (plenty more graceful, still a country girl's best grace) marked her acquiessence. (d)


Vance:That respite Vance had hoped for lasted for about an hour. He found very little except a drink, with sadly little served in the need for female company or trouble. Forced to do little more than stalk the halls, he'd found his own reveire shocked by the sight of none other than Janice, alone, under a tree deep in her own books, and despite him terror hit him hard and blunt. Why the hell was she out alone? Where the hell was that servent!? Guilt over dereliction, fear of what he needed to protect her from, god knows what else mingled, and the lot of Vance half stumbled, half stormed to her in the chill of night, heedless as to how much it might have unsettled or terrified her. "Janice!? Janice! " he crouched down and took her arm, not so roughly as to bruise her but enough to clearly show his own displeasure. "Oi, Oi! Wot were you bloody told about leavin' the house without escort!? You have any idea how dangerous it bloody is! I told you to tell me! of course, he wasn't there. Just like before, he wasn't there. it was a moment's oversight, a second. and it was that same oversight that led to so much else. "Don't ever do that, okay? Don't you EVER do that! You can go wherever you want, you hear it? But never alone!"

Janice: The poor girl! What a good, round moon and big, inviting stars. What sweet grasses mingling with flower's perfume which were all the things a young lady needed to encourage fairy ales to bloom in her head. Spreading the two books out on the round expanse of her dress, tucking her legs beneath her was the first order. Then, the book was put in lap. Third, it was open, but just before she could even relish the first paragraph of the chapter something else was wrong! "Master Vance -- but I...Master Vance?! Ow, let go!" She looked in utter shock as all her books, her candle, were left there under the tree. Instead of her fingers the wind was turning the pages, and he was yelling like a storm had descended As the pages went fast his voice went louder, and she was being pulled inside again! But, she just wanted to read! She pleaded her apologies, tried to get him to let her go but he continued on and on! Tears filled her eyes, lower lip shaking. All she wanted to do was read the book, and "I am still on the house grounds! I didn't go into..into the st-...streets!" She sobbed. "You stare at me all the day long! Miss Carla, Miss Bromheilde! Everyone stares at me as if I can do more than hardly tie a ribbon or walk! Let me go!" In a suprising fit of strenth spurned by upset, she wrestled her arm away. Inside now, she didn't want to be. But she didn't go back outside. No, she wanted to, but didn't. Just as she was told. But there was the want to rebel somehow! Poor little girl. Always doing what she was told and in following the rules still he displeased someone whom she swore had no care of her. "I was on the grounds! How dare you..how dare you!" She looked to the beautiful night all but ruined, her books, and wanted to get them but couldn't! " I..only wanted to read! Outside.......even the nuns would let me read outside.." She whispered, so terribly angry, but so saddened she'd done something wrong. Turning away she ran, in tears (d)

Vance:Perhaps it was the alcohol that addled his mind, that prevented him from realizing what happened. At her insistence, his hand suddenly snapped open, looking confused. His mouth worked, but no words came out. What the hell was he doing? She wasn't even very far from the grounds. He was stupid for doing it. When she broke for him, ruined, tear-streaked. Only then did he realize how badly he had botched this. Oh hell. What had he done? When she fled, he was left to his own for a long, long time. Alone in the dark, struggling to grasp what was happening, his heart heavy with the weight of what had transpired, of what transpired long before he ever met Janice, which he hadn't thouht about in months! damn it! he wanted to scream, to break something, or someone. but, devoid of outlet, the poor girl would find Vance again--he came to her room, knowing that is where she would flee.. but it was a Vance she'd likely not seen. Far from carefree, laconic, looking tired, pained, he stepped lightly into the doorway of her room, taking her likely angry response in silence. For what seemed a long time, he merely stood there, listening to the sound of her sobs, each one striking hard, beneah the exterior.. before, after a long agonizing silence (or an angry tirade if she got the strength for it) he'd respond, his voice painfully broken--in a confession that could only be fuelled by the unresolved emotions and heavy whiskey he'd imbibed too much. "...I had... I had a sister. God... God why do you have to look so much like her?"

Janice: The alcohol on his breath made his words stink of whiskey, that was for cetain The hot fire was constant, over and over. She rebelled with a mouth of only sweet tea and self defense to counteract his need to appease demons with offerings of vice. He may have stared in shock but she was so long gone, that by the time she came down the hall not even Carla could cease her tears. "Pl..please, leave me alone!" She hiccuped, locking the doors as she spilled down on the other side. No angry tirades except the tense little squeels to be left alone, until the time he confessed. Damn it! Of course she didn't say that. Goodness no. Instead, she knelt, unfastening the lock only to let it crack. Him on one side talking about his sister. Her, on the other saying. " Come in." (d)

Vance: In stepped the criminal, as meek as to put her to shame. his shoulders hunched, refusing to look to her as he brushed past her again. He strode right to a chair and practically collapsed in it, pulling out a flask and trying to unclasp it with shaky hands... there was no stopping it now, not after she let him in. Finally achieving what happened, he reached back and took a deep drink. "...I was a bloody kid. Old enough to know what I wanted to do in a woman's company, but not a damn much older. No parents. Lot like you. Died o' illnness, had to carry on the family business o' tradesmen. Not easy. Me and a sister. All we had. All we were gonna have too, didn't learn enough, not all of it. Every day was a bloody struggle... god.. she was just like you. No bloody idea how to work. Knew her trade 'n nothing else. I handled all the business... " he chuckled darkly to some private joke. "God.... god, They even taught her 'ow to read. She loved it. Loved every minute. So bloody hard for her to learn it, but she loved it that much..."

Janice:"What became of your sister,...V..Vance?" Not Master. Simply a given name. Wide eyes looked at the first of many broken men on parade through the doors of the Orders many, many rooms. Lost and insecure, he was soothing himself on a false burn that made the pain flare come morning. In spite of herself, innocence crept closer to jaded injustice. Sniffling softly, tears were still craddled in her lower lid as he told her about the girl who was in so many ways like her. "I had no other family, except my father and mother."Her uncle and mother. But she didn't know that. "Just a pair of friends,really. Did you and her have friends?" Such timid little questions, but she found herself drawn to him in a way that she wanted to hold him when he cried, just like he protected her. It was so terribly strange.(d)

Vance He snorted, coldly, in response, like it was a foolish question to ask, though the bitterness was directed at the thought, not at her. "Just us. Went away on business one day. Came home to her all smiles and dreams. Guess she'd fallen for some bloke. Straight out of a book. honey-tongued nobleman, love at first sight and that nonsense. He called her by carriage. Had people teachin' her to read and how to move in the circles. I didn't like it. I... I told her not to see him anymore.. but we had to eat. I had a business to see to, 'else.. else we didn't eat. I had to. It was life or death--literally, life or death. You understand that?" he took another drink again as the emotion swelled, cracked his voice. "How do those kinda stories end anyway? 'n they live happily ever after? Nonsense like that? 'cuz I'll tell you how this end. Our boy was enjoyin' livin' on the edge. Turns out he was supposed to marry some bird a few days travel over, create some little empire. Word got out.. You know what he did?" he almost laughed. "Said she was a witch. Says she put a bloody spell on him! " now his voice did crack. Vance, the unflappable, was crying, struggling as he was. "I... I was workin' out a deal with a man a town over... I didn't know. Had a good night, stayed out, enjoyed my fortunes... I came back and... " he put a hand on his knee and leaned forward, shutting his eyes. " A..And that was it. Nothing left. Nobody'd talk to me. Tell me what happened. I finally beat it out of someone. Literally... and well.. that was that. They killed her... gods... burned her alive. And do you know what they told me? She screamed for me. Before they burned her. Screamed my name, over 'n over..."

Janice: "Just you.." She murmured softly, listening to the tale of a brother's burden to be at once brother and guardian of a house. Listening to the story it grew more and more torrid. A love at first sight that transcended classes with all sorts of things to make a poor woman a princess until the glass palace shattered and reality buried her under the ruins. "No!" Janice gasped as he sobbed. Oh, God, how horrible! Oh no! Fingers curled over her mouth as she imagined the scene only to close her eyes against he image. Poor, poor Vance had lost his only family and she, poor, naieve girl had only wanted to love and be loved! She shuttered. How cold the outside world. For all its lovliness, how cruel it was! As he cried she couldn't help but to wrap her arms around him, easing herself into the chair beside him. "I am so sorry, Vance. I am so, so sorry....." She whispered because it seemed garish to speak aloud. Those little arms tried to keep the cruelty away from him as if the Devil's berating could be stopped just because she wanted it to, and just because she wore a tiny little cross. The tale chilled her to the bone and blighted her anger against him enough to even rock him as she held him. (d)

Vance: "I was all she had. wasn't even there, and I was all she had.." he shook his head, leaning into what was, for now, his sister, in some strange way, bringing up a hand to her arm and squeezing it, ringed with emotion terribly different from earlier. "Couldn't... couldn't even see justice done. The bastard won. Married and his little Empire and my little sister's still dead.. and I wasn't there. " He didn't make any sound when he cried, his voice barely cracked above a whisper, he knew what his masters would think of this confession--or why he would choose to reveal it to Janice, whom in so many ways he saw locked to the same fate, to look like her, no less. "I just... left. " so he leaned in her arms, letting tears fall. "I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry." but was he speaking to Janice, or to the apparation of his own sister? He struggled to gain some kind of control of himself, try to explain his own fears for Janice, however foolish they sounded--to apologize, something, but al lhe could manage was "God, I'm sorry..."

Janice:"That is unfair, oh God. Shh no. Her soul is in heaven I promise you that --" She didn't believe any less. God loved the meek, the simple of heart, and craddled the wronged in the palm of his hand. One of his hands she squeezed. He was struggling where'd only hours before he was cold and somewhat indifferent of her. Locked to the same fate? Ah, different players. A different crux, but oddly Vance might be able to redeem the loss of his sister in keeping Janice from losing all faith in the world one day. Why, that tiny little hand even touched his face. A smile, just for him. "It is alright. I am sorry to have caused you such pain and worry. I will be careful, even here?" Not only to please him, but because perhaps there might be chance they could be friends. He hadn't meant to stare at her, and perhaps he was the only one who had something to invest other than an off-handed concern. Letting her head go to his shoulder she sighed. "It's all so confusing and frightening. To be kept so close, given so much yet kept from more. The other servants stare at me. Some of the noviates from other places whisper when I pass by. I may not know all of the world, but I was not raised away from it. I ...may not know much of the city...but I am not stupid." She had a real thought people believed she may be! A bumpkin from the country cloister, a little charity case. Someone's bastard, maybe? Or a lesser cousin of one of the masters...all of it was allowed because while she was taught slowly to ascend to a place of station it did it's job in the case of sheltering her all the more, as if giving her a maid and a guardian weren't enough. (d)

Vance:"Yer more important to 'em than you'll know, luv. out of the world ya may be, but yer clever enough to pick it all up." he said, his voice still leaden with emotion, brought to stare at her, his eyes red and cracked before her, before he broke his gaze, though he didn't release his hand from hers, threading his fingers around hers without ever giving it thought. " They ain't gonna keep it from you forever. They can't.. but... for now you're just gonna have to live with it. Trust me... if I could, I would. I... don't agree. with it, but there it is." Struggling to regain his composure, glancing at the flask that had provided him with some little comfort--or perhaps brouht this on in the first place, and disdaining its use. "But I promise you... it's all to keep you safe.. I swear it. " his voice cracked again, turning his head and speaking, almost desperately. "So.. So don't you go anywhere outside without me, alright? Y..You can go wherever you want. I promise. I ain't gonna keep you from everythin'. but never... never ever, go without me, alright? No matter what.. I'll keep ya safe. Just... just promise me."

Janice:"Yes, you are right." His guidance was so simple and direct that it was what she needed to hear. Alendral and Claramae were good natured, but they were all pomp. A girl that age didn't want pomp, she wanted reasons. Instead she got a task to excell at or a lesson to learn. Eye to eye, she nodded to his request. "It's alright..I suppose, I have so much to learn as it is that they wouldn't want to burden me." She tried to make sense of it. Yes, that was it in some strange way, at least a small part of it. "I didn't mean to scare you when I went to read outside..." her voice still trembled, obviously still deeply effected by that, and now with this story? Was outside even on the grounds not safe.."I...i won't go alone again, I promise I'll ask even if it is to the garden." Indeed it made her think that not even the Order was safe. She curled against him and said, "Master St. Laurence is always speaking of The Game, The Hunt, and such things. I...I do not know all of it but it I know enough to know...that they...are..in a great secret. Papa had such things, when I saw his books he sent me away. I do not want to be sent away again, Vance, I have no where to go. I know I can not go home. Mama is sick, and the only time I shall go home is in her passing." What she didn't know was that Vittergaust's brother, even then, was bleeding hisl ife's blood over his life's work that he thought would marr his niece for life. In a way, he was right. "I'm frightened." (d)

Vance: "You're not goin' anywhere luv. I promise ya that. Nobody's sendin' ya anywhere." Vance was not an affectionate man. He was not tender, not to friends, not to the woman who's company he enjoyed. It was not his way, not something he had felt in a long time. but to Janice' sfrailty he could be nothing else. He wrapped his arms against her and held her close, finding it all the stranger in the total lack of lust despite the femininty in his arms, sweet as it was, it was, for all intents, genuine in his need to comfort, and Vance found himself moved by the sentiment more than he thought possible. "...Yer home girl. For better of worse, you are home." he felt so stupid, asking her to ask permission even so he left. It was the only reassurance he could offer to the poor thing, for he knew the fear. That her life would be sent into turmoil again, that she would be allowed to do anything but live again. The question that Vance could not answer--could not even put to words, easily, was how he could both allow her to live and yet keep her free from danger. For all he couldn't say, Janice was in the same danger his late sister was in. The thought chilled Vance to his very core, and he could nothing but hold to her and hope that his strength of will was enough.

Janice" The terrible fact was that Janice only felt the danger but had no idea what was reaching out to consume her. It slit the throat of the apothecary with a jagged, serated blade and thrilled as he gasped for air. His body slumped over his desk mouth opening like fish for air as the dagger came into his back, carving. "Baruch..Atah..Adonai.." The dying man began to pray not in the Catholicism he impersonated but the hebrew of his father. "elohenu...." The same hand was killing Danielle quicker with poisons behind the walls of a hospital run by priests. "Thank you." She said of his comfort, the first real such thing she had received since her coming. She found herself saying, "Everyone is afraid." Apparently, not even the Master's could hide from Janice's eyes, a token to her wit but a horror in that the girl's intelligence was teetering on a cliff.(d)